And as usual, I have let time pass.  Son said that for a while no one was really into Tumblr because the owners made it lack fun, but now it might be a good place to express ourselves again since Twitter has been taken over by that feckless gremlin.

Going to be Xmas soon and I'm already panicking. I mean the house is still a Hellmouth with some adjustments made by a cleaning person and a husband who is taking charge of some decluttering. I haven't been finishing felted projects or any creation so I'm thinking no presents will be handmade. And I need to figure out something for a Christmas card.

Not feeling any of it. At least we have a tree, even if it's sort of cheap. 

I'll leave it there for now. I think I will try to add to this blog more.

 I have little to say except I'm always sorry I have failed to update this blogger site. Working. Having possible heart issues. Getting older.

Intermittent and Inert

Over the holidays/my vacation time (except for the bits where I had reports to run) I had large chunks of unfettered time. But, even though I could sparingly visualize "doing things" and "getting things done" I couldn't seem to do or get done.

I hate that I peter out. I hate that after a few minutes of moving clutter and tossing trash, I need a break and then seem to never come back to the activity.

Some of it is age and lack of energy. Some of it is chronic pain sapping my will. Some of it is just the recalcitrant part of me that just won't do what I should. 

I wish I could overcome this. I know I would feel so much happier with a clean and organized living space. All three of us would benefit from space and air and clean. 

But it eludes me. 

So, Five Years Later

Goodness. I have failed to use this at all over the years, I think I keep myself to shorter posts on FB and Twitter. Or I just find myself super lazy about anything.

We are ramping up to Christmas and as usual the house is a hellmouth meaning we need to tidy before dragging out tree and decorations.

Working at Mattel now. Three years as of today. That's good. Stable and good for a job.


And now I don't feel like saying much else.

It's like I go on sabbatical

Once again it's been around six months since my last post. How to explain it. Some of it is that I post on Tumblr, or Twitter, or, while I had a contract job on Google+ and that fulfills whatever information dispensing need I have. But mostly it's that I'm still jobless, jibless, disorganized, unsuccessful and melancholy.

Time at home still hasn't produced a Martha Stewart or even a half-Martha-like cleaned up existence. I'm still not creating as much as I want and it comes in fits and spurts. The most recent finished product is this pillow that was originally a Christmas present for my Aunt (for 2010) but ended up a belated birthday present (just sent it, her birthday in July) for her. At least I finally finished it. There are many other projects I've yet to finish that started out at Xmas gifts.

I wish I had a great explanation for my extreme lack of inertia. I assume it's depression in some form. It renders me slug-like and fog-brained. I am "getting through" life instead of living it. I don't like that it's this way. I'm definitely hoping for change.

Where Have I Been?

I'm not sure. Being laid off over a year ago killed my spirit for a time. Then there's all the busy-ness of trying to find a job. And working contract jobs, which are full time but pay far less than a "real" job and certainly don't come with health benefits.

When I do post something it's over here http://andeeofwhimsy.tumblr.com/ but I'm not terribly good at doing that either. The most recent thing I've crafted is probably this bag for my sister at Xmas. I have so many other things I'm still finishing that I planned to give at Christmas. Now they will be Spring or Summer gifts.

I wish I was using this chaotic, jobless time off to whip my house into shape and craft/create up a storm. But the paralyzing nature of the unknown (in terms of a job/finances/etc) leaves me stuck.

Can a Potato Get a Job?

It's been just over a week since I became redundant, was let go, was told "it's not you, it's us." To be frankly honest, I still haven't finished updating my resume, haven't shipped the work computers back to New Jersey, haven't posted anything or looked at anything on Monster or CareerBuilder. I'm a slug. I'm unmotivated, I'm easily distracted and my fear of so many aspects to being jobless is paralyzing.

As we move quickly toward Thanksgiving (made a plan? Oh, right, I have to cook a turkey dinner...hmm...better get on that) and only slight more slowly toward Christmas (gifts? I have to think what to buy and afford them?) I feel ill-skilled to get all this done.

Even right now I need to tidy the living room as Fletcher has a pal coming over tomorrow. It's a pigsty in there. I just look at it and sigh. Then I sit on the couch and it adheres to me and I don't want to get up.

I can only hope I can overcome this lack of inertia and move in the vector of a job hunt. Easily the least favorite chore of my adult life.